So I’ve been working/developing a film called FALLING TO PIECES.  We just launched a Kickstarter campaign and plan to complete production by the e/o August…
The story is about a young widow who seeks out her dead husband’s organ recipients and each meeting is more disastrous than the last.
I specifically wanted to work on a film about a woman who had lost her bearings because that was something I was specifically struggling through with the sickness and death of both my parents, not to mention the loss of other family members and friends.

But just the other night, I stumbled upon this blog post I had written and never posted.  I had forgotten all about it and thought…OMG.  It is almost the same TITLE as the film.  And I wonder if that isn’t my whole journey with this film… FALLING TO PEACE.

So here it is:

There is a saying that I’ve always liked: “when life brings you to your knees… stay there.”

There is something deeply beautiful about the place that we find ourselves when everything else has failed and we can’t pretend anymore.  We know that not only do we not have the answers, we barely have the questions.  It is the place where we give up our excuses and possibly even our responsibility…. We finally get that we are not driving this car and if we were, we’ve driven it off a cliff, so our driving skills are no longer applicable anyway.  We better just pray.

And it doesn’t matter who or what you pray to…  I personally appeal to my Buddha nature… but whatever floats your boat:  God, Shiva, Jesus, Mohammed,  The Universe, or Bart Simpson.  What is more important is that when your knees hit that floor, you know that ‘your best thinking got you here.’  It is time for help.  It is time to let go.  You can’t do this alone anymore.

I’m a big fan of letting myself fall apart when appropriate.  My mother always tries to fight her emotions and so when she fails, she feels like she has failed.  I let myself cry.  Emotions need to move.  They are fluid.  They flow and if you allow them to flow – without holding on to them – they will make their way through you.  If you don’t – you give yourself a big ol’ headache – literally.  It is stressful to attempt to shut down your emotions.

But here is the thing… if we allow ourselves to feel our pain.  Fully feel our pain.  We free ourselves.  The other day I felt I was falling to pieces but what truly happened was that I was falling to peace.   My insanity and grief which felt overwhelming, when embraced and acknowledged and given their space – they opened me up.  They softened my heart. They awakened places that were dead in me, forgotten caverns of wisdom that I’d lost along the way.

Because the truth is, there is no happiness without suffering.  We need them both and they illuminate each other.  How can we appreciate light without darkness?  And so they are ultimately pathways to each other.   So in our darkest moments, if we stop fighting the darkness, we might realize the light at the end of the tunnel was always there, waiting for us.

If you are interested in seeing a scene from film and/or supporting us: